gokusen. i used to watch the tagalized chinovela of that manga series. somehow, i can relate to it. of course! because i am a teacher. and i used to teach in an exclusive for boys school. "used to" coz i'm now teaching at a parochial school. well, at least, i'm still working at a catholic school.
well, just want to share my experience with that school. let me give a name for it- marist school. a school founded and under the care of the marist brothers. it is actually the second school i have worked at.
my position as one of the teachers in that school came as a surprise. i was paranoid, and excited, and worried, and overjoyed, all at the same time. can't describe the exact feeling. but then again, it was all worth it.
i thought being in a very big school is hectic and stressful. in some ways, yes it was. just have to be thankful that i felt i was in a family... they accepted me and taught me everything they know to help me out. in the end, when it was my time to leave-or my last day in that school-- it was the reason i cried buckets of tears. it was not the school that is difficult to leave, it was my family in that school.
when it comes to my students... they're all different. they're all special. yes. believe it or not, i was handling what the rest of the teachers call as the "trouble sections", the "hoodlums"... in the middle of the school year, one of my colleagues asked me how i maintained my demure image and how i still manage to smile after each class in the midst of all the hoodlums that i have to handle and face five days a week. it was difficult for me to explain that i just have to be myself when i'm in front of these students. if they see me as demure, i say thanks. if not, more thanks.
truly, you have to be the tough boss to face these students. however, it was difficult for me to explain to my colleagues that i don't see them as hoodlums. i don't know, but i think it would be a surprise if i would enter their room with everyone in the room quiet as a mouse... maybe they're in for something.
i remember one of my students asking me right in the middle of the discussion: "teacher, mahal mo po ba ako?" (teacher, do you love me?) if it was somebody else in that particular class, it would be very easy to say "yes". but no. he was different. in fact, he's the most trouble maker in that class. the noisiest, the nastiest. he has no respect for anyone. but i want to emphasize his use for the word "po". he has respect for people. he was just often misinterpreted.
for about two seconds, i looked at him. i cannot hear a single noise in that classroom. it seemed that everybody was waiting for my answer. i just answered him with "ano ba sa pakiramdam mo?" (what do you think or feel?") he just gave his widest smile and told me: "ma'am, pakiramdam ko, love mo ako" (ma'am. i do feel that you do love me"). i just smiled and gave him a pat on his shoulder. But he added another question; "ma'am, mahal mo ba section namin?" his section, being the most notorious, most hated by the teachers (even their adviser hates them), was according to my colleagues, very difficult to love, and very easy to hate. i looked at my students--all of them waiting for me to answer that question. i felt the sudden tension. if i say no, it would definitely break their heart, if i say yes, they'll feel appreciated. at that time, i did not answer what my mind dictated me to answer. i answered what my heart dictated me to say.
i returned the question to them. "you're asking me if i do love your section. tell me with all honesty, how much do you love your teachers?" nobody answered my question.
"haven't you felt how much your teachers love you? all of us love you enough to think about your welfare everyday. if we don't love you, we teachers would not bother to go to your room and discuss the lessons, or to reprimand you for your misbehaviors, and forgive you for every headache and heartache that you give us for disrespect and misdemeanor you pass on to us. if we teachers don't love you, we will not care for you. tell me now, how much do you love your teachers?" nobody answered my question.
as i was about to continue my lesson, he asked again: "ma'am you haven't answered my question. do you love our section?" i laughed and smiled at them. i just gave them a simple answer: "kahit sobrang kukulit at maloloko kayo. kahit dami niyo kasalanan at kalokohan sa akin... di ko alam kung bakit, pero... sobra.... sobrang mahal ko section niyo." (even though you have given me a lot of headaches and heartaches, for some unknown reasons.... so much... i just love your section so much!)
i was expecting an uproar of the students, but there was none. i thought they did not take my answer seriously. but that student again added some words: "ma'am. totoo po yan? promise, hope to die?"(ma'am, is that true.......?") i just said: "i have always been vocal and honest about my feelings with you. when i'm mad, i tell you. when i'm happy, i tell it, too. when i feel hopeless, i let you know. tell me, why is there doubt? is it me who you're doubting, or yourselves being very much aware of how you treat your teachers? i have honestly answered your question. it's up to you if you'd believe it or not."
i was not expecting my students to really believe what i have told them. but for me, it was the truth. at that time, i don't know why that students asked me that question. i found out about it during lunch when all of the teachers are having their lunch at the faculty. from the very first subject, until mine, they have been cussed, hated by the other teachers. maybe they just needed assurance in a place that they are scared of. yes, it's right. somehow, they hated school and the teachers. i can't blame them. but i can't blame the other teachers as well.
it was one of those moment that i truly remember. i have a lot, of course! a surprise birthday greeting from an entire class (surprise coz i have been hiding my birthday, and they have been discreetly practicing for their presentation for me..hehehe), a rose from a student during the teacher's day... gifts during christmas... the list is endless. but somehow, the little thank you's are the most treasured ones. especially if that thank you came from a "hoodlum" as what they say.
i have a truckload of headaches, but that should not be highlighted. for me, i took those headcahes as learning lessons, even if they made my heart cry, i don't take it personally. they are MY students after all.
while i am still new to this profession, and i have a lot more to learn, i take everyday as a new day. being a teacher gives you a very unpredictable life... every single moment. and i enjoy it a lot.
now, let me ask you: how much do you love your teachers?
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